It's true -- I adore homeschooling. All the things that I wrote in that post are true - not excluding the reasons why I thought that traditional school would be difficult for us. So, why have we made this dramatic change?
First - We were having some behavioral issues at home. The crazy thing is that I believe that I've connected this now with the lack of quality time we had been able to spend together. The holidays were very out-of-routine and getting back into that was quite an adjustment. However, I was feeling a bit at the end of my rope with him. I also realized that I was crushing him by the harshness of my speaking to him about his bad behavior. He was closing himself off from me, and to tell the truth, I was felt scared and inadequate to be a good mom to him. I didn't feel like I was getting through to him. Not that I really expected preschool to be the answer to my problem, I just started to question my resolve.
Quick side note: I can't go on to my other reasons for putting him into preschool until I tell you this next part. Amazingly, about a week before preschool even began, this same "difficult" son suddenly became near-perfect. Suddenly, he started looking out for his brother's interest before his own. He went out of his way to be kind to all of us. The constant "dripping" of rude words disappeared. I'd like to say that I had some incredible mom-power that magically made my child like this, but I can't say that is true. So, what happened? I was broken and sought out others to pray for me and my son. My mom, my MOPS table, some close friends and other family rallied around our issue and PRAYED. The change was so dramatic that there could be no other reason for how life changed for us. Buddy certainly isn't perfect (and after those initial couple of weeks is more "normal"), but I'm appreciating the child that he is growing up to be. God really does hear our prayers, and He wants us to realize that we cannot do this parenting thing (or anything else for that matter) on our own. (Then, just to show us how quickly we forget, I had almost this exact same scenario happen with Button this last week - Bad Behavior - Desperation by Mom - Prayer and Asking for Prayer - Things are Looking Up! Thank Jesus that He continues to give us chances to look past our pride and fall down at His feet in humility. We cannot control our kids actions, but Jesus can soften their hearts.)
So back to the preschool bit....
Our second reason for wanting to put him in traditional preschool was so that he could learn the social etiquette of being in a classroom setting. Even though we want to homeschool, we still hope to put him in special classes that will supplement his education whether it be music, art, math, etc. When he is in these classes, we felt it was important that he knew how to raise his hand, wait his turn, and to do what the other kids were doing at their timetable. At home, Buddy will have the privilege of having me nearby to ask questions, and since it is just him and his little brother, there will be few times when he'll have to wait before being satisfied with an answer or moving on to the next subject at hand. With homeschooling we will be able to move at his pace, but life isn't always like that. Sometimes he'll have to be patient and let someone else finish their project even though he finished early. Maybe he'll be the one that needs to be rushed because the class is ready to move onto something else, but he hasn't finished what he's doing yet. We want him to know how to be sensitive to others needs and following a group.
Third, this gives me some uninterrupted time with Button. Buddy is always moving to bigger and grander things, and often Button tries to keep up even though it is all going over his head. I'm able to focus our now more intimate home preschool time on Button's abilities without having to lower the difficulty level for Buddy. We are still working on getting our routine down though since we have to make two trips out each morning for drop off and pick up, but I have hopes that all will get figured out soon.
Finally, we put Buddy there now because it's temporary. We had considered putting him in a private kindergarten for a year and then homeschooling, but there were so many reasons why this didn't seem like a good choice. Buddy will be in traditional preschool for four and a half months, which is plenty of time for him to glean what we feel he needs from the school system. He loves it there. He's learning some new skills, and learning to work in teams. He follows the class routine and comes home excited with his accomplishments. It seems like a good fit.
Now, for the other side of this same coin....
Gosh, I miss him. I miss the cuddling we did on the couch. I miss the unrushed mornings. I especially miss our morning devotional time that kick started our home preschool time. His preschool is only three days a week, but we have MOPS every other Tuesday, and Thursdays seem to fill up with some activity or another. Getting out of the house on nature walks is increasingly difficult since I used to just plan those around the weather. Now the weather has to be okay and be a day that he doesn't have preschool.
He's also more tired. A week after he started preschool, he had one of the biggest tantrums he's had in years. Unfortunately, it happened to coincide with meeting our church's new small group for the first time. (Talk about great first impressions!) We had to leave early, and he literally screamed himself to sleep at 4:30PM. With only a minor wake-up in between, the kid slept until 7AM the next morning!!! He needed over 14 hours of sleep. No wonder he was such a wreck. Since then, we've been extra careful to monitor how tired he is and getting him to bed early. He's been so much more pleasant since then!
Then, there are days like today. Today was a Thursday. The one day that I knew I'd have my boys all to myself with no outside influences. We had our nice unrushed morning. We had our morning devotions and started learning next month's hymn. We cuddled on the couch and watched YouTube videos on Carnival of the Animals around my little Kindle Fire. We did some picture drawings for our Compassion child and wrote him a letter. The boys played with their marble works and legos, and we made cookies. We went to the YMCA for some playtime. Nothing was rushed. Almost nothing was planned. It was raining outside, but I don't think the day could have been more beautiful. It is these days that reassure me that our family is meant to do school together. They make my heart full of joy.
Do I regret putting Buddy in preschool? No, but I'm glad it's temporary. I know that he is learning a lot in a setting that I would not be able to provide for him at home, and I know that he is having fun. He has some wonderful teachers. But I also see what I'd be giving up, and I'm not sure that I could do that. Of course, I don't know what God has planned for our little family in coming years, but I hope that I can always hold my dreams for their education with an open hand and allow Him to lead us where He wants us to go.
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